Totally Not Myself Today...

I was totally not myself today...

I was already sweating profusely since early morning. I felt that my whole body temperature dropping. I was not sure if it was all due to the illness, which I have yet to recovered from.

I met my senior buddy at the ladies. She heard about my choices, and told me that I should talk to the senior in my department, who is in the division that I put as first choice. I could sense that she was warning me about something. In fact, she has told me that the department head at that division is very strict with timing.

Then I received a call from Ms. K, the HR personnel. She told me that the department head of my first choice (for my first posting) wants to see me. I decided to reconfirm what my senior buddy has told me earlier. I approached the senior and affirmed that he was really leaving. Previously, I have already heard from someone else he's leaving the company but I was not sure since I have never heard from him. He also told me that the department head is indeed a tough character to handle. I would be stuck in that division, and she does not easily allow for leave to be taken. His words came short and straight to the point. He told me enough to tell me that if I put that as my first choice, I would never attain what I want eventually - to get back to the current division I am in, where my interest truly lies. Although my current division and the division I chose as first choice belong to the same department, the heads who are in-charge are totally different characters. I got all the information I want in just 15 minutes.

I had to make my decision in 5 min. The deadline was 9am. I decided to shift up my choices to place my stakes on one department, which is my second choice. It might seem a dumb choice.

I went up to Ms. K after submitting my choices. I had a one-to-one talk with her. I told her my rationale and my worst case scenario was to get into the compliance team. She tried to probe for my second worst case scenario. I told her blatantly my true feelings was I felt that there was no other department I rather go into. As I talked to her, I started breaking down and began to tear. It was just too short a time to make the decision after getting the information in one morning, or rather in less than half an hour (given the chaotic email checking the moment I reached office after a day of sick leave).